


letters to you

by geudaeman



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, a lil spoiler, couldn't find any vumin so, jumin han - Freeform, kinda angsty, lmao jumin is really ooc at times, mistake messenger, v - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-08
Updated: 2016-10-08
Packaged: 2018-08-20 04:48:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8236621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geudaeman/pseuds/geudaeman
Summary: he had the world at his fingertips, but he could never grasp onto the other's.[ i do not own any of these characters – only the story plot ]





	

he sighed as his fingers tapped lightly against the thick, letter paper, a calligraphy pen dipped in ink towards his right hand. he had so much to say, but certain limitations restricted him from expressing himself fully.

it was not because he didn’t have any paper. no, he had all the paper in the world if he asked for it.

he, himself, had the world at his fingertips. unfortunately, he only had the living world, and not the other world.

unfortunately, _he_ was out of reach.

with a small pout, he stared at the empty paper. he could not think of how to splatter his feelings so elegantly upon this sheet. he could not think of how to say certain things, as certain things he repeated over and over again in his head because he couldn’t help himself, yet he hated to be redundant.

suddenly, a fluid white creature leapt onto his lap, mewling for attention. finally, his eyes tore away from that blank sheet of nothingness, of repressed thoughts and no action, to settle upon the beautiful creature curling up on his lap.

“elizabeth the third,” he whispered, his voice filled with warmth. his hands drifted away from the mahogany wood that made up the table before him, to brush through the silky fur of his cat.

and so he entered a daze that could only be considered bliss.

every stroke brought him a new wave of memories. every stroke made him sad, yet every stroke made him happy. nostalgia washed upon him as he continued run his fingers through the fields of soft white fur.

the cat had been his present. he could never forget that.

it might’ve been why - no, definitely been why, he loved it so much.

it’s soft purr brought him back down to earth. when it jumped from his lap, its toenails scratching against the marble floor to regain its balance, his attention gazed back towards the paper that suddenly didn’t seem so empty anymore.

and without thinking, he grabbed the pen and began to furiously scribble away, to brush out all of his unkempt thoughts.

 

* * *

 

 

_Dear “Dearly-Beloved One”,_

_I know it is silly of me to write to you. I know you would not like to receive such letters. But I just wanted to let go and say that I really fucking loved you._

_Excuse me._

_This will be entirely unedited. There may be some errors. Perhaps that will show to you that I, despite my robot-like ways, am also human. For I am also a human who can also develop passionate feelings._

_did you know that mother disliked you from the beginning? and no, not mother number two. not girlfriend number one. not fiance number three. but mother. the same mother who left father and i all alone._

_she came to me one day and asked me, “isn’t it lonely, hanging out with that camera boy all day?” i’d shake my head and she’d nudge me, get a little closer, and furrow her eyebrows._

_“jumin. are you not lonely?”_

_and seeing her stern gaze, i would raise my voice to speak loudly and clearly. i thought it’d make me sound big and important – just like father._

_he was my role model back then. oh, how things were different._

_“no, mama,” was what i said. “camera boy has a name. jihyun kim. and jihyun kim is my friend.”_

_i did not tell her that you were my_ best _friend. i did not tell her that, unlike her, you stood by me all the damn time. i bit back the sharp words that would damage her – that you would make better parents than the two of them combined._

_that i might as well have loved camera boy more than her._

_i’d like to say that you knew. i saw those little smirks, those play on words. i saw them all. i just wish i saw them sooner than i did._

_i saw her glare at me disapprovingly, before shooing me out to study literature. i know it was literature, because even amongst the quotes of many wise men that filled the content of the assigned book, all i could see was the name “jihyun kim” etched onto the margin._

_they were not really there, of course. at least, not at first. i began to absentmindedly draw them in myself._

_but that does not matter. that is the past._

_and you should know that i do not dwell on the past, as that was usually you._

_unfortunately, i find myself diving deeper into that abyss._

_for that is the only place where i can find_ you.

_and now, here i am. i do not like others to sympathise with me, but you better. because i’d like to think that i would’ve never been in this mess if not for you._

_if only i hadn’t felt bad for you at first._

_you were pathetic, did you know that? completely, utterly pathetic. your clothes were always dirty, you slouched, and took pictures of random ass things that made no sense._

_i loathed you at first, you know. i loathed you for your weirdness. i loathed you for your independence. i loathed you for your dirty clothes._

_but mostly, i loathed you for how interesting your hair color was. when the sun hit the right angle, your whole head would burst into a fire of teal blue._

_i loathed you for your smile. how it would light up a dark room, how it was just so easy to come by your face._

_i loathed you for being caring. i loathed you for being intelligent, and nice, and so fucking handsome._

_looking back at what i just wrote, i realize that i substituted love for loath. i only loathed those features because i loved them so much._

_i just hated the fact that i did._

_i remember those rainy days, when your parents would go on a trip to paris, or italy, and my parents would leave for a meeting. and we’d just sit in the attic, in front of that big window. we’d just sit there and watch the rain drip down. we’d watch the raindrops streak down the glass of the window, and challenge each other to a race through the raindrops._

_whichever one landed on the windowsill first won._

_i remember telling each other our worst fears, just letting all the pressure of being sons of wealthy people blow over and burst out of our lungs. i remember seeing the tears slip down your cheeks as you blubbered out words, long rants, everything, about how terrible your parents were._

_i remember thinking about how adorable you looked when you cried. how oddly breathtakingly beautiful you were, especially when the moonlight glinted off your hair, your eyes, your tears._

_and then i remember how safe it felt when you leaned against my shoulder, both watching the stars until we fell asleep._

_i savor these moments. i savor each and every one of them. i dream them, i think them, i see them._

_but never, will i ever experience these moments ever again._

_and damn, will i ever be the same again. you’ve captured me then left me to hang. you’ve skinned me vulnerable, then exposed me in the open to heal._

_you said you loved me, then faded away._

_you do that a lot, you know. just fade away. you could always be invisible, somehow. you could always just disappear._

_you fade away so easily._

_but never will you fade away from my mind, my memories, my thoughts._

_for, jihyun kim, you have wounded me so deeply that i am beyond recovering. i am in a comatose where only i am able to will myself to wake up once more._

_but i don’t want to._

_i only want to meet you, to be surrounded by your arms once more, outlined by our own constellation._

_so please, save me a place next to you in the stars._

_yours truly,_

_jumin han_

 

* * *

 

his hands were shaking by the time he finished the letter. his eyes kept tracing his last line over and over again, as if trying to will it to come true, but to no avail.

finally, he carefully folded the piece over twice, and slipped it into a first priority envelope. then, with a pause of hesitation, he threw it in an oval hat box (striped, of course), lined with many other envelopes and letters of similar kinds. all prepared to be shipped, set completely with a stamp.

“to: jihyun kim.”  
he sighed. his hands carefully closed the box, before placing it in the top corner of his closet.

if only mail could travel between two worlds.

if only…

for he may have had the world at his fingertips, but he could never reach the other.


End file.
